Lexi is here and well 10 months old already

Where did the time go? It feels like I just gave birth to my little girl only she's 10 months old... WTF!!! I cannot believe how time is flying and how I'm surviving everyday. Let's just say it has been one hell of a year and I rarely recall it all. There's a cloud over me as I sit and ponder where the 10 months went. Well let's map it out...

Month 1: gave birth to a 9lb 11oz girl and in the process through my hip and pelvis out of alignment. Let's just say that that fucking sucked! Not only could I not walk I couldn't even get out of the hospital bed without screaming. On top of that my little one was in the NICU because of extremely low blood sugars so I wasn't able to see her till the day after her birth. Working that hard to deliver her and then not being able to hold, feed, and cuddle her was very upsetting. I was an emotional wreak and I needed my baby!!!! After 3 days of convincing doctors that something was wrong with me they figured it out. Well hell I hope so because you stupid ass doctors get paid the big bucks geez!!!! After some physical therapy I was actually able to walk to see my daughter. Though the pain was still pretty bad :( your core really is a huge part of your movement and when it's fucked up so are you.

Well after 4 days in the hospital I was discharged and Lexi was not. She was still being monitored in the NICU. The thought that I had to leave her broke my heart and all I could do was cry... I was there every minute I could be feeding and loving her but I was still recovering too and needed a lot of rest it was hard on me. Coming home without a baby sucks... It's like opening a cracker jacks box and not getting a toy. All that work and no glorious satisfaction of a cute baby to hold. Well I didn't have to wait long she was home 5 days after her birth but it felt like an eternity!

With Lexi home I felt complete and had my family intact. That made me feel better. We did nothing but love her and cuddle her because she didn't get that much in the NICU. She even had difficulty sleeping in the dark because the NICU was always lit (they never turned out the lights). That was an interesting transition. Hubby wasn't fond of sleeping with the lights on.

Month 2: the colic month from hell!!!! Or so we thought! Lexi was miserable always crying and writhing in pain after her feedings. She would cry from about noon to about 10 o clock at night every day. It was horrible and draining. Something was not right??? We never had this problem with our son so we took her to see her pediatrician. Well we found out that Lexi was allergic to milk based formulas and were advised to switch to soy formula. I kid you not after about 3 days of just soy formula Lexi was happy and smiley all the time. Month 3-6: pretty uneventful. Just a happy baby girl all around and growing like a weed! Month 7-8: croup rears its ugly head and we have to take Lexi to ER because her breathing is so bad. Not a good ER experience and we spend the better part of the morning at the Peds office doing nebulizer breathing treatments and administering steroids. Poor baby girl she wasn't a happy camper that day. The croup finally goes away! Took both kids to California to visit family so they could meet Lexi and see Thomas again. I have the best little travelers! Lexi slept the whole time and Thomas was just excited to be flying because he LOVES airplanes/jets. He got to meet the pilots and even went into the cop pits. He had a blast!!! Month 9: Not a great month for miss Lexi :( croup again and then a UTI. She was so sick I was worried because she had a temp of 103 for 6 days straight! Not a very fun week for her or us. Finally was able to get her meds and she got better thank goodness. Although watching your kiddo get a catheter is not fun at all. Those baby blue eyes looking at you intently saying make them stop was heart wrenching. But she is better now and back to her happy self. Month 10: well not quite, Xmas eve she will be 10 months. Shes still growing like a weed and eating us out of house and home :) LOL!!!! She loves to eat! We plan to have a very easy going Xmas. Staying home this year and just enjoying our family. I will post pictures after the holidays!!! Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!!!! The Beckers.

37-38 Weeks

With only 14 days left I grow more and more anxious for Lexi to arrive.  Doctors appointment showed that I am still 2cm but 80% effaced which is a good sign because once my cervical membrane is thinned things will progress faster.  As everyone already knows I am so ready for her to come!  I'm having contractions which means progress so I can suck it up and deal with those.  She's still very active and moving a lot...  she is going to be pretty active I think just like her brother Thomas.  Well stay tuned next apt is Tuesday the 15th...

Mothers

When a child is born an immediate bond forms with their mother.  As the mother holds her little one in her arms so many emotions and thoughts run through her mind and nothing but pure love and joy are present.  As the child grows the bonds change and get stronger and Mom is the center of your universe.  She can do anything to make you feel better and you know that she will always be there no matter what because she loves you.  But then you become a teen and that bond changes again and your mom is not the sole person in your life.  You begin to remove yourself and become independent, even rebel her authority.  Because that bond that was formed in early infancy will come back as an indicator of how you and your mother bond when you are a teen.  Then you enter into adulthood and your relationship changes to one of friendship and common ground.  This is the stage that becomes the pivotal point in your life.  You begin to admire your mothers strength and courage to have raised children either on her own or with your father.  You learn that she is human and see the hardships she went through to raise you and begin to understand the sacrifices she made for you.  Because prior to that she appeared flawless and so well put together.  This truth you discover changes how you see your mother is so many ways and it increases that mother/daughter bond even more.    

and then you become a mother...  Everything you knew about your mother becomes amplified because you are now in her shoes and walking that same journey.  That love for her grows because you Truly then understand what a mothers role is... Then you enter into a different bond with your mother one of love and understanding and the utmost admiration.  Because you know a mothers love is forever!

I wanted to write this because I didn't make it past the adult phase with my mother.  She died when I was 25 and before I even had thoughts of having children.  Her death was devastating to me.  I had an average bond with my mother in early childhood, but had a very strained relationship with her when I was a teenager.  As I got older our relationship got better and our bond was beginning to form but then she left this world.  You grow up thinking that the teen years are important but for me it was my early 20s that I needed her the most.  That is why losing her was so hard to bear...  A woman needs her mother to help her mold who she is going to be and I believe that this happens at a much later time (adulthood).  You learn so much from your mother which most young girls try to deny.  What happens when you don't have your mother to help you? 

Lets just say my life from 25 on was very difficult and I am still struggling to find who I am at 32 years of age.  The feelings have intensified because I have children now and I worry everyday that I will instill this struggle to my own children especially my little girl.  I work so hard to be myself and raise my children the way I see fit and just hope that that is enough because I don't see another way.  I love my children and praise them daily and I kiss and hug them so they know that they are my world.  If I learned anything from my mother before she died is that your children are your world.  She raised us on her own and did everything possible to make sure we had what we needed.  She sacrificed a lot for us and never complained once.  That to me makes her the best mother in my eyes because she was strong, determined, and had the courage to do what she needed to survive and keep us safe.  That is what I hope to achieve in my life, to be strong and have the courage and love to be there for my children no matter what.  Because a mothers love is eternal...  I will love my children even after death and I know that my mothers love is still there because I feel her everyday helping me, guiding me through rough times.  Teaching me that moms are human we make mistakes, but how we fix them is key, we admit our faults, and never take anything for granted.  Mothers are truly a blessing and I guess I am writing this message to let you know that...  I may not have my mother around but I thank God everyday that he gave me her love and adoration.  If I could hug and kiss my mother again I would, If I could talk to her about life I would, If I could just sit next to her again I would...  I send this out to you mothers and ask that you appreciate and cherish every moment you have with your mother because one day it will be too late.  

 Elena Becker

36 Weeks

This pregnancy seems to be progressing a lot faster than with Thomas.  I am dilated to 2cm and 70% effaced, which is a great sign that Lexi will be coming a lot faster than Thomas :)  I wasn't even at 2cm with Thomas when I actually went into labor so very excited about that.  I am doing fairly well aside from the nausea, massive itching, and heartburn.  Everything looks great, Lexi is growing and her heart-rate is perfect.  She's moving a ton and putting a lot of pressure on my cervix which is all good news for me.  I am so ready for little miss to come it has been one hell of a pregnancy.

35 Week Check up

I had my 35 week check up and things are progressing: I am 1cm dilated and 60% effaced.  I am now going weekly to the OB and having braxtons hicks pretty much all day now.  Some are painful and others are not but boy they are very uncomfortable.  I have heartburn pretty much all day and night so I am having to eat bland foods and drinking a lot of milk and water.  It sucks because I can't have good foods :( 

We are so ready for Miss Lexi to come and I am so ready to have my body back because it has been one hell of a ride so far.  Not a good one either! 

5 More Weeks left...

I'm exhausted, uncomfortable, and cranky...  It has been a whirlwind pregnancy and nothing has seemed to go right for me at all.  Every pregnancy symptom I have had has been such a huge stressor and exhausting.  My poor husband has endured the whole thing with a good heart and has been so helpful, but he is tired too and we are both ready for baby Lexi to come. 

As we eagerly await for her arrival we wonder what she will look like.  Will she have a full head of hair like her big brother did?  Will she be a good sleeper?  Will she breastfeed like a champ?  Will she have a calm manner to her or be uptight?  Those things keep me going because I cannot wait to meet her.  I can live without all the other crap during pregnancy...  just give me my baby. 

Just 5 more weeks to go... stay tuned!

This is it...

Are you one of those woman who loves being pregnant and just glorifies the whole process?  WELL I AM NOT THAT WOMAN!  Nothing glorious about this pregnancy... ugh it is by far the worst ever!  Okay the nausea in my first trimester was tolerable because hello you are pregnant but the violent vomiting in my second trimester was not fun, neither were the infections, the pneumonia, and bronchial crap...  As I enter my 3rd trimester I dread what is ahead because what else could I possibly get.  I mean REALLY?  Of course the little one is doing great and that makes me happy but she's draining every last bit of energy and health from me :( so not fun at all.  She is definitely our last child because I cannot endure this again.  Two kids is plenty for me. This is it we are done after she is born!  Pregnancy just doesn't agree with me at the moment.